So firstly please note this is spoiler, it is also not in any way criticising the new Dr.
Jodie W is refreshing and quirky, and is fast filling the boots of those gone before her.
Shame the plot so far is not doing her justice.
The Ghost Monument Ep 2, 13th Doctor
A cool premise with no pay off. Cool flesh eating water is mentioned, love it! Um but nothing happens, boo.
I’m barely starting out as a writer but I know that you don’t mention something specific if it’s not relevant to the story in any way. Die Hard talks about her watch, a waste of time? NO of course not, that has a massive pay off at the end!
Here is an alternative middle/ending:
Dr Who and her group arrive on the new planet. We meet the male and female racer, Epzo and Angstrom, who talk. We learn about Angstrom’s desire to save her family from ethnic cleansing, and Epzo’s background, being abused by his mother and being unable to make connections with people. We also shown Angstrom connecting with the policewoman, Yasmin (suggested very briefly in the actual episode but should’ve been built upon).
Also at this point please remember the Dr does a cool description of the flesh eating water, this was a fantastic set up that never paid off. Very annoying.
The story carries on much as it did in the actual episode, until the part where they are being attacked by the floaty cloth. Now in the actual episode they dig an unrealistic hole in the sand and escape by blowing up Epzo’s e-cigar.
Instead I suggest that the peril is much greater and there is no way they can escape, all are going to die. Then Ryan (the boy from earth) breaks down about going to join his grandma (who dies in episode one). This prompts Epzo to break down and tells the group the following.
He actually got over his mother‘s abuse and married. Joined the race to win the money so they could build a life for them, his wife being pregnant. Halfway through the race about 45 planets in, he received a message that his wife had died in childbirth (given both racers are from poor planets). Distraught he took on his negative philosophy that we see him live by in the present.
All hope is lost but then the Dr says cleverly (words to the effect of): ‘while you have all been moping I have been thinking, if someone sacrifices themselves for a distraction we can still escape’.
The humans are up in arms about this, because they don’t believe someone should die, saying that is too brutal. Then Epzo offers himself. He remains behind with his e-cigar and holds up holds the evil cloth long enough for the others to escape. Then there is an explosion that he is engulfed in.
The team race on to the final destination. But some of the evil cloth creatures have noticed them running off. One wraps itself around the legs of Angstrom! It drags her down into a pool of the flesh eating water where she’s eaten alive!!!
Yasmin the policewoman is very distressed because they made a connection earlier in the episode.
The Dr drags her away saying there is nothing that can be done, having experienced this hundreds of times before. They race on to the holographic tent, where the man organising the race is waiting. He asks where the final candidates for the race are. The Dr bluffs, showing her skill off the gift of the gab. She requests for him to rescue them and take them off the planet. He laughs and refuses. He starts to realise that they are tricking him and that neither candidate made it. He is about to snap his fingers and disappear when… surprise surprise, tattered and torn, crawls in Epzo.
He is a changed man, having survived against all odds, he now believes he was meant to live. He asked to congratulate Angstrom on her win but it’s horrified to learn that she died. He makes a pact to visit her family and rescue them.
Then the episode follows as it did, with the holographic tent vanishing taking the winner with it. Again we think all is lost and then the tardis appears.
So that’s how I think episode should’ve gone. Deeper character meaning, with Ryan speaking about his grandmother’s death a bit more, I mean that just happened but was barely touched on in the episode, why?
If anybody has actually read this far, do let me know what you think. Also this is not intended to upset anyone who actually loved the episode and wouldn’t change any of it.